5.9 stars (of 10)
Sucker Punch [2011]
"I would recommend this movie to anyone who lives fast paced, jaw dropping action sequences, and cares fuck all about story. If you're into hot girl's with guns, this is the movie for you!"
If I had to choose just one word to describe Sucker Punch [2011], it would be disappointing.
What was hyped up to be the craziest action flick of all time, with supremely overblown battles, witty characters, a plot like inception, huge mech battles, epic fantasy sci-fi mash up, and ridiculously cool nazi-zombie warlock mage samurai action delivered on exactly none of that.
It delivers on the following: Some meh action. Some hot girls.
If I had to pick a second word to describe this movie it would be Schizophrenic. Don't feed me that "but glitch--she IS schizophrenic!" crap. I'm well aware, but that doesn't make this movie compelling.
This movie, for all it's hype, all it's flashy lights and CGI, was simply terrible. Total let down, probably the biggest of the year. I don't know why I expected different...I really don't. Yes, there were some absolutely mind blowing scenes (none lasting more than a few fleeting minutes), with graphics and girl-action that will make any straight guy cream themselves (seriously Rocket - far left - is smoking hot, she needs a spin off. Why wasn't she the main character?), but what's missing is...well...everything else.
This was a movie suffering from trying to do too much and accomplishing nothing as a result. If they had just tried a bit harder to fit things together, it might well have worked out.
There are like 15 different stories, all about 15 minutes long. It felt like watching 10 so-so fan-fic stories on youtube. You know those guys who make the "Gritty Power Rangers" or the guys who made "Mortal Kombat Live Action" stuff? Same quality, but less compelling.
The "story" was garbage, like indescribably terrible and the acting was just as poor. Everything felt super forced. The only redeeming factors were the fleeting moments of action, that could have been served better by a director who understands that camera snapping doesn't work the way you see in the Matrix when you use the effect every 3 fucking seconds.
I wish Inception would have a baby with this movie. It would fix the problems of both if they were perfectly mixed.
Anyway, watch this movie or don't. If you do, try to enjoy it. Go in knowing it's going to suck and you'll probably have a good time. Better yet, think of it as a stonner film. It probably was and I was just too young when I first wrote my original review in 2011. It's got some really cool scenes, but understand you're watching a smorgasbord of story plots that barely fit together and concept designs that were never fully realized all mashed together so haphazardly and quickly you'll feel like the director is laughing at you. To be honest, I think they were.
All bullshit aside, this movie sucked, but someone still falls into the category of
"Yeah, you have to watch it..."
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