[Workshop]: Telling vs Showing

Today I'm going to talk to you lovely people about something that pisses me off endlessly.

Writing that tells me something without showing it.

But Glitch...isn't that what writing is for?

Sure, if you're reading a text book. I hate text books.

Let's start with this basic sentence:

Bob was sad."You really hurt me, Mary!" Bob felt sick. His mother had died last year and it felt like the entire world was crashing down around him. 

This is a fucking catastrophe. It doesn't show me anything. This is the image that type of writing evokes.



Is this really what you wanted to show me? Probably not.

Writing is about more than just filling your reader's head with an image (that's called imagery, and I'll discuss that eventually). It's about conveying an idea.

If your intent is to inform as opposed to entertain or evoke emotion, than you should stick with telling. It's dry, and uninteresting and your readers will resent you for it. That's why no one likes text books. They're awful.

Let's try to analyze what went so fundamentally wrong in that sentence. First, let's look at this statement.

 However, some background on Bob first:

• Bob doesn't want to guilt trip marry.
• Bob doesn't want to share all his feelings. 
• This is a breakup. 

Bob was sad. 

Okay. And?

I think what this writer was trying to evoke was an image. What do you imagine when you think of a sad Bob? Is he frowning? Is he crying?

Bob was crying.

This is on the right track, but it's still pretty telly. You are TELLING ME that Bob was crying. There is nothing being shown. Let's try again. 

Tears streamed down Bob's cheeks. 

Ah! Now we're getting somewhere! Let's draw that image in our head's again:


At least now we have some type of image, without directly telling us that Bob is sad. The reader can infer just based on the picture in their head that Bob is upset.

Let's move on to the next part.

Bob felt sick.
See, this is a bit trickier. How would we even draw that? Puking? That doesn't seem right. Perhaps what we need to do is SHOW this another way. 

Bob's stomach churned. 

Better! We can't necessarily draw this one, but it translates the same type of emotion to your reader. It's active voice. Things are happening. Let's continue.

His mother had died last year and it felt like the entire world was crashing down around him. 

Here things get a bit trickier. This sentence has two major problems. First, it's a cliche/figure of speech "world crashing down".
Second, and the part relevant here: You are PAUSING TO TELL me his mom died.

Let's see if we can fix.

Well uh oh...I have no idea how to draw this one! 

That's fine! It just means we aren't going to use imagery to disguise this information. We're going to try several ways of doing it.

DIALOGUE: Tears streamed down Bob's face. "You really hurt me, Mary! My mom died last year and it feels like the entire world is crashing around me!" Bob's stomach churned.

 . . . 

STOP! Hold on. We can't do this. That would be guilt tripping and Bob won't do that. So how do we convey this message by SHOWING it if not through dialogue or telling?

Thought Monologues: Tears streamed down Bob's face. "You really hurt me, Mary!" My mother just died, I don't deserve this! Bob's stomach churned. 

You'll notice in this example we've already cut the cliche figure of speech "world crashing down". Monologues are annotated by italics in literature, and rarely would you need a [ , he thought ] attribution after it. Just the italics.

So to put this all together:


Avoid telly sentences by disguising things with (where appropriate)

• Imagery
• Active verbs
• Thought monologue
• Dialogue

We go from this:

Bob was sad."You really hurt me, Mary!" Bob felt sick. His mother had died last year and it felt like the entire world was crashing down around him. 

to this:

Tears streamed down Bob's face. "You really hurt me, Mary!" Bob's stomach churned. Worse than my mom dying! 

Try to keep an eye out for words like "WAS" or "WERE". Always replace them with stronger verbs (was sad vs tears streamed). And avoid time outs! Anytime you feel yourself pushing pause in the action, remember this lesson! Keep things flowing. DO NOT PRESS PAUSE!